and the statistics say that something like 1 in 94 of them will end up with some form of autism, how the hell do you not just end up breathing into a paper bag all day long while your son spins the wheels on his trucks?
Seriously. I didn't even watch Jenny McCarthy on Oprah yesterday because I knew she was just going to blame the MMR vaccine for causing her son's autism and as a family who has chosen to vax on schedule, I can't take the potential for guilt and believe you me, I am highly strung about this particular issue enough as it is without watching a former playboy playmate tell me I've doomed my child. Like I need to have my body-image issues AND my parenting insecurities throttled all at once.
But I do spend perhaps an inordinate amount of time stressing out about what is or is not going on inside of my son's head and if it is what, in fact, should be going on. He doesn't always respond when I call his name, nor does he make eye contact all the time. Check. He will struggle to get out of an embrace. Check. He has, at 16 months, few words. Check. He is obsessed with the spinning wheels on every and all of his toy cars and trucks. Check. He tends to be a loner in social settings. Check.
Now, obviously I can explain these all away and/or counter them with examples of him doing the exact opposite of the warning signs as well. So, do I worry? Or do I not worry? When the statistics are what they are, I feel like I have to constantly be on my guard for the moment when it's reasonable to start worrying.
I am blessed and cursed with the world's most laid back pediatrician. In a way it's nice; he is always telling me how wonderful Ethan is and how it's fine that he's only 18lbs at 16 months and how it's fine that he only says 2-3 words right now and that it was totally cool that he wasn't walking at 15 months. I really, really, really want to believe him. After the pregnancy, the delivery and the early months of this little man's life, I really want to believe that we should be getting a free pass on misery and challenges for him down the line. His life should be charmed.
But then I worry---was the terbutaline I took to stop contractions really safe? It made me feel like a heroin addict; what might it have done to him? What about the insulin I took for my gestational diabetes or all the pain meds and antibiotics I took in the first few months of breastfeeding him? I was told they were all safe, but were they? And all the vaccines running through his little body, over and over again at such a young age. And dear god, where were those toys made?? (*Cue Sarah breathing into brown paper bag right about now*)
I am tempted to uproot us, relocate to the top of a mountain in Vermont somewhere, grow all our own food, make all of our own toys and clothing, and never contact the outside world again to avoid any and everything that might lead him to harm or developmental challenges. But alas, Husband and I are addicted to modern conveniences like the internet and Starbucks. And on most days, I do not feel like this. He gives me no real cause for worry; I know I'm being neurotic. But there are some days when I just need a brown paper bag in every room of the house---just in case.
4 comments:
I didn't watch Jenny McCarthy on Oprah but I did hear about it. I thought, "oh great, one more thing for me to worry about!"
My daughter just had her 15 month shots this month and barely moved for a few hours after. Got me all worked up but she was fine the next day. Makes me wonder what goes on in her head, too. Honestly, I feel like I should just turn off any form of media because all they do is scare the crap out of me. :-)
I KNOW-- oh my god. And everytime I get a freaking vaccination for him, I have a panic attack. We got a letter from the pediatrician's office today telling us to schedule a flu shot, and I seriously got hives on my neck.
I watched the Oprah, because it was like a car wreck and I could not look away. As soon as Oprah did the cutaway to break by saying, "Find out what Jenny thinks caused her son's autism, next..." I screamed at the TV (and scared the beejesus out of husband) "She's going to say vaccines! She's going to say vaccines!"
Of course, she said vaccines. But to blame thimerisol is ridiculous, considering they stopped using thimerisol in children's vaccines in 1999 (or some year close to that).
I understand that people need to find a cause and be able to focus their energies on something concrete. But she also kept saying the CDC is wrong for taking a "one-size fits all" approach to vaccinations. Problem is, that's how medicine works. Doctors take a set of symptoms and deduce what it could most likely be, based on years of research and samples. It's not like they see sniffles and a runny nose and say "Rare form of ebola!" Of course they say "cold" because that is what 99% of the population will have, a simple cold.
Sorry for the novel. I just got so uptight about that show and the fact it probably scared more people than it helped.
And for what it's worth, I think Etgan interacts with people way too much for you to have to be worried. He was so social when I met him!
This is from Grandma Bear. Worrying about what might be the mistakes you made or didn't make is part of motherhood. Maybe by the time Ethan is as old as you are you won't worry anymore. Unfortunately for young mothers today there is instant TV and instant expertise and that adds to guilt, worry and about anything else negative you can have. Your mom and I should thank our fortune that we and millions others lived before that time. Papa Bear had his vaccines on time and so did you. Auntie Bear used to totally disconnect, so much so that her grandmother (my grandma bear, thought she was having petite mal seizures) She thought Papa Bear had scoliosis at the tender age of 18 months and bedeviled me with that. I'm sure that your mom can probably tell all kinds of stories about what people said or did that made her worry unnecessarily. I know lots of kids and lots of parents and I'm sure that the one perhaps autistic or at least Autistic spectrum that I know wasn't the 1 in 150 and that somehow or other I only know the other 149. You know a bunch of kids and will know more. The chances that any are autistic are pretty small. Believe me I worked in a psychiatric institute when I was younger and I saw autism and that is NOT Ethan.
When I asked my pediatrician about Auntie Bear he who was also very laid back as he'd seen thousand of kids, didn't even ask me any questions. What he said was very wise.... and was something along the lines of the fact that brain phenomena run along a continuum from always aware to totally checking out from time to time. One wonderful thing that children have is the ability to daydream and that is a normal part of brain phenomena. It would be wonderful if they could retain this ability. Now when Auntie Bear is trying to relax as she prepares for childbirth, I'm sure she wishes she still had the ability to "check out". Ethan engages and it would probably be better for him and for all of you and all of your reading and commenting if we just turned the TV off and maybe even threw it out the door. Somehow or other reading about these issues enables one to have a much more thoughtful and less visceral reaction than seeing it on TV. In any case, as Amy correctly pointed out, the thimerisol hasn't been in vaccines since the turn of the Millennium and since there is "more" autism now, maybe they should put it back!
If you look at any child development book it will point out that infants don't really engage with other children their own age until later in life. Most babies are totally ego centered at Ethan's age. In fact, from your story about how resilient HE was with the kid who was bothering him, I'd say he does better than normal. Watch Oprah when she interviews Obama... its pretty good, but otherwise, its the National Enquirer on TV.
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