There Was a Farmer Had a Dog...

...and Drag Queen Bingo was her name-o. My friend Jane (of the election night Obama cake and pole dancing fame) had a birthday last week. I had no idea one could turn 28 so many years in a row. And for her birthday, Jane wanted to hang out with her friends and a foul-mouthed drag queen. Playing some bingo. Because really, who doesn't?

So on Wednesday night I found myself at Hamburger Mary's, sipping a gigantic martini (which looked like a wee little shot compared to some of the drinks served there), eating a burger (duh) and daubing B-16's and G-45's furiously, while a huge, sparkly drag queen named Bridget of Madison County (http://www.bridgetteofmadisoncounty.com/site/index.shtml) strung together a slew of profanities fit to make a nun's ears bleed. It was fabulous.

I won nothing, as is ALWAYS the case with me; I wouldn't win the lottery if I were the only ticket-holder. My table seemed to have been touched by the bingo-fairy, though because my friend Gloria won so many times that Bridget of Madison County said, "ugh, I hate that bitch, Gloria!" One of the guys at our table got to reach into the bag marked "Bag of Crap" and pulled out a lovely Santa-hat clad stuffed reindeer. Even birthday girl Jane "won" (it was really Gloria who won but didn't want to deal with the drunk and rabid bingo players who were all one daub away from beating her for the umpteenth time that night, so she gave her card to Jane instead).

I might have lost, but I got seriously in touch with my inner angry blue-haired granny. I daubed numbers so hard that ink splattered across the card. I yelled, "That's bullshit!!!" at the top of my lungs when I heard a disembodied voice from across the room yell, "BINGO!" I so would have been thrown out of a church hall. But I had a blast.

Still life with bingo-cards, instruction sheets, raffle ticket and sex-toy-esque ink dauber.

Beer the side of Kita's head. Said beer seems to have impacted Kita's bingo prowess, as I had to explain the idea of the game to her several times throughout the evening. ;-)

Bingo-maven Gloria showing off her bag 'o goodies.

This is how your check for the evening comes--shiny.

The girls and the guy...me thinks someone needs to talk to Bridget about how exactly one blends a self-tanner. Her breasts were blinding, and I look, in this picture, like a bizarre growth shooting out of her shoulder.