You know who you are. The jackass who makes a desk out of the handicapped table at Starbucks. The one with your laptop out, plugged in to the wall half a room away, papers sprawled out over the table, and ear weighed down with blue-tooth technology. Yeah, you.
Let me let you in on a little secret--Starbucks is not your office. You do not pay rent there; you did not sign a lease for that particular table, or any other table in the building. You have no right to any expectations of an office-like environment when you set up camp at the handicapped table in a flipping coffee shop. Capiche?
So when I come in with my toddler and sit down next to you, you can be sure I am not going to go to any great lengths to keep him from giggling or babbling to me, or even from crying if that's what he feels like doing when I get up to get a Splenda for my unsweetened shaken passion fruit iced tea. Don't bother glaring at me in an attempt to intimidate me into quieting my child because it won't work.
Huffing and puffing and making an exasperated "ccccchhhhhhthtttttt" noise in your throat while my son babbles to his straw will not suddenly turn the light bulb on over my head that "Oh, gee! He wants me to be quiet so he can conduct his important conference call in peace!" Guess what? I already know that without you practically having convulsions 5 feet away from me in a feeble attempt to express your annoyance at my audacity in bringing a child into a public place for lunch.
Let me also observe that you have one, potentially hours old, most likely empty, tall cup in front of you and you are taking up a table that has 5 chairs at it. I am sitting at a small round table with $16 worth of Starbucks products spread out for my son and I to share for lunch. I'm thinking, noisy baby and all, I'm the the one they actually want in their establishment.
So here's the deal. Starbucks is not your office; if you set up shop there, deal with me and my noisy kid. If you want it quiet, go to the library, or, here's an idea---AN OFFICE. If you want a job at Starbucks, apply to be a barista and make me a flipping latte...
5 comments:
Love this.
Seriously, how can a simple afternoon snack there cost $8 though?
And why don't I let the price deter me?
No kidding! When Charlie was a newborn we went to Starbucks a lot so I could get out of the house and one time this guy with a laptop kept shooting me dirty looks even though Charlie was ASLEEP! Like the potential for noise was enough reason for him to be rude.
signed--taking up four seats with my laptop and papers and $3.50 tea and scone
I am sooo glad you wrote this. I took my 9 month old son to Starbucks on Monday -and he has started a screaming phase now. I got the worst look ever from this guy sitting at the handicapped table -just as you exactly described it. It took every ounce my my self control to not say something -especially since I was with my son. How dare he look at me and my son that way! I really wanted to say something! Oh well - I'm sure there'll be a next time.
Absolutely on point. I will bring my kids to Starbucks every so often. I have seen the squatters with their tall (empty) black coffees looking at me disapprovingly. They have important calls to make, leads to catch up on, and I am killing their call time. What they don't know is I know who they are. They are the sales guys hoping they can call me and land a deal out of nowhere. They don't realize I don't take calls from sales guys in Starbucks who hate kids. I know the sound of a milk steamer/frother working in the background, so when you get through my admin and actually reach me, I remember you from the week earlier when you looked at my kids with disdain. Sorry, but I couldn't hear your pitch, I was sucking down a venti something or other, with two extra shots of FU.
I love this post!
Post a Comment