Bye Bye, Boobie..

Well, at least bye bye to the boobie being the only beverage on the menu.

Ethan's 9 month "well check" didn't go, well, well. He is still, even with the copious amounts of solids we shovel in his mouth, just under 15lbs, which keeps him teetering on the edge of his already itty bitty growth curve. His head circumference is doing the same thing--growing, but not fast enough and falling off of his curve. Hrm....what to do?

Well, what to do is apparently supplement, supplement, supplement. Normally, I would "harummmmph" that advice, pump a little to get my supply back up, take a few fenugreek supplements and be lactating enough to nurse a small army of babies within a day or two, never touching a drop of formula. But this time there was a tone in the doctor's voice that led me to believe there is some urgency here. This is the first time head circumference and brain development has been mentioned. And, as sad as I am to admit it and as much as it goes against what I've always believed and been told, my breastfeeding alone just ain't cutting it for Ethan anymore. I know that from the fabulous digital baby scale my lactation consultant lent me last month; Ethan rarely gets more than 2 oz each time he nurses, regardless of how long he stays latched (which on a good day is 5 minutes at a time, even at night).

Truth is, the last few times I've done the pump and fenugreek shuffle haven't been as successful as they used to be. My supply goes up for a few days, but my only customer is too distracted by life to nurse for more than a few minutes at a time. That means, I could pump 24/7 and overdose on fenugreek and still end up with a mere trickle. Unless I start taking in other hungry babies to keep my supply up, it's going to go out of business. And as there is not much in the way of "wet nurse wanted" in the classifieds these days, it seems that my "breastaurant" (thanks for the term, Amy) is going to be going out of business earlier than expected.

Am I sad? Unspeakably. Don't even want to write about that part of it because I'll just sound like a big old drama queen (Yes, internet, I know. Please contain your snickers. I realize I almost ALWAYS sound like a drama queen).

But am I resolved to get my baby more calories even if those calories don't come from Mama? Yes. I could be stubborn and fiesty about it and refuse to supplement. I could. But I won't.

I gave breastfeeding nine months and I worked hard at it. I pumped exclusively for a month and then we worked through nipple shields and latch issues. I brought my supply back from the brink of disaster after spending a week in the hospital away from Ethan back in July. I tackled my own fears of nursing in public and have become a confident and successful breast feeder. It was harder than I ever thought it would be, but I stuck with it and I am so proud of that accomplishment. It isn't the year I had hoped for, but if exclusively breastfeeding for a year means starving my son, I don't really see the point.

The dilemma now is how to convince Ethan of this. See, he wants to nurse less and less these days, but he doesn't want to even consider adding a bottle to his day. Or a sippy cup. Or anything but the boob, on his terms. He'll hog down jars of baby food and yogurt if I let him, but he is, at this point, a one-beverage boy. So we struggle. The doctor said sometimes the only way to get a stubborn baby to take a bottle is to stop offering the boob. I know he's right; why would Ethan take that funny plastic thing with the weird tasting stuff in it when he knows he can get the *real* thing? But at the same time, the thought of becoming the boob-nazi and saying, "No! No boob for you!" is agony and spells certain absolute death to the milk machine. I'm not ready for that yet.

So our current plan is that mommy pumps a few times during the day to keep up that meager little supply she's got. Mommy & Ethan fight over which sippy cup or bottle is going to be acceptable and which formula is not too icky to swallow. Then we nurse at night. The goal is apparently 24oz in 24 hours, just as it was way back when. Yesterday I think I got about 8oz of formula in him after hours and hours of begging, cajoling and banging my head against a wall. We shall see what today brings. Wish us luck.