Friday, June 02, 2006

Where can I find see-through boobs?

Because I'm in the market for a pair.

The lactation consultant came over yesterday and worked her magic. Ethan is now a breastfed baby (albeit awkward and frustrating). I think there's been one mini-bottle in the mix since 2pm yesterday afternoon--the rest has been all boob, baby.

The problem is I am spoiled by the bottle. I knew that at every feeding, Ethan was getting 2oz of milk from start to finish. And I knew when "finish" was because there was nothing left--just that satisfying "I'm sucking on air now, mommy" sound of an empty bottle. I could rest assured knowing that he was getting enough and Husband and I could say, "Let's see if he'll take 65mls this time" and assess how ready he was to up his intake, based on whether or not he spit up after he ate. It was a wonderful feeling of being able to monitor his growth and gave me an incredible feeling of security that I was doing a good thing for my son--like taking care of him and making sure he was growing.

Well, boobs don't make a "I'm sucking on air now, mommy" sound when they are empty and that whole lying down on the job positioning in breastfeeding makes it really easy for the little man to snooze rather than eat. I need to be some sort of Hindu goddess with 15 arms to do all the tickling, poking and prodding required to keep him conscious long enough to actually swallow anything mommy's got to offer. It makes for a long feeding and a weepy, insecure mommy. What fun. It's as if, almost a month into the adventure, I am back at day one and relearning it all...

And so I scrutinize the poopy, wet diapers even more obsessively and hyperventilate at every cry--does he need to eat again? Did he get enough last time? Do I have anything to give him? How do I know when he is done?

So what I need is a set of transparent boobs, clearly marked for milliliters and ounces. Then, perhaps, this neurotic mommy will be able to peel herself off the ceiling, take a few deep breaths and actually get through a feeding without melting down..I think I'll start looking on Ebay...


Becci said...

LOL wouldn't that be nice!

KMW said...

I would be the same way. But you are great! I have see through intuition and know there is no mommy insecurity needed.

Amy said...

Actually, I read you are never truly "empty" -- they can always get something.

Awesome news. Keep up the good work. And watch out for the "crunch toast point" nipples as amalah so lovingly coined them.

And something I wish someone had told me -- use the Lansinoh, but know it stains white nursing bras yellow!

BabyonBored said...

Oh God, I feel your pain. I only lasted 4 weeks (and that's stretching it) before the neurotic hell and pain became too much and I gave it all up for the love of formula. I can recommend a few if the boob feedings get too much.

And as for toddlerhood. Girl, you better take it one step at a time. But I'll still be here for advice when you get there. And we'll see how I came through it.

And buy my book. You need it.

Crazy Mama said...

Hi! I'm just checking out some sites and came across yours!
I only lasted a month breastfeeding, because I was afraid my son wasn't getting enough either.