This time last year, I had my "big ultrasound". The "fun, watch your baby bounce around inside you and check to see that all is right with the world" ultrasound. I can so clearly remember how excited we were to see our little pea pod doing his thing & as my cervix had been behaving up until that point, I had no reason to think we were in for any surprises of the negative kind in those 45 minutes.
Instead, we ended up in the quiet, dimly lit, kleenex-box laden "waiting room". Just Husband, me and a phone. Waiting for my OB to call and tell me that my cervix was funnelling and that I was going to go in for surgery in 3 days to sew it shut in hopes of saving my pregnancy. That ultrasound was pretty much the last time I left the house except to go to a doctor appointment or the hospital for the next sixteen weeks.
So tonight as I was laying down with Ethan, trying yet again to get him to fall asleep before midnight, I didn't find myself frustrated or angry or wondering what the hell I was thinking when I thought, "Babies are so cute! I have to get me one of those!" I simply thought, good God, do I love you, little man. And hugged him tight.