Woman as Science Project...

That is what I am. I am a walking (figuratively, of course) experiment, complete with test strips, needles, a lab book to record my findings and several variables to keep track of...and let me tell you, it ain't fun. I wasn't a huge fan of science in school (there's very little Shakespeare or extended metaphor in it), but this really bites.

I may have been a bit bold yesterday when I invited Dr. Dark-Cloud to suck on my fabulous blood glucose reading. I recall the words of my perinatologist after seeing a post-cerclage cervical reading of 3.1cm. She specifically warned me, "Don't get cocky." And in terms of the cervix, I did not. I stayed tucked in bed and followed my instructions. I would be hard-pressed to argue, however, that I wasn't a smidge on the supercilious side about yesterday's good glucose reading, what with my sas to the doctor here on the blog for all to see. Yes, I was cocky. 109 is an excellent number for a diabetic (well, it's a good number).

Hmmmmm...so what could humble me after my initial triumph, my beginner's luck, if you will? How about 3 finger pricks and 3 bad readings all in a row---that oughta do it.

Yes, I am a gestational diabetes disaster. Last night's & both of this morning's readings show I am just marinating in the sweet stuff. There was much pouting, I will tell you. I am very, very unused to failure. This pregnancy is starting to give me flashbacks of 10th grade geometry, what with all the failing I am doing...

So I started thinking---what different yesterday at 3pm from later testings?? Considering my very limited interaction with the world at this point, there were not a ton of variables to choose from. One stuck out in my head---the dreaded terbutaline. You remember--that anti-contraction medicine that makes you feel like you are withdrawing from heroin?

Terbutaline is a tricky little thing in my world. Some days I take it and some days I don't. At first, after being released from the hospital, I took it once a day for 7 days. Then the doctor (not Dark-Cloud; one of the lucky ones) recommended that I simply take it for a 24-hour period when I feel contractions. I liked that idea--less terb for me means fewer heart palpitations and I don't know about you, but I am a BIG fan of a regular heartbeat...

Yesterday, at 3pm--no terb in my system. Lovely 109 reading. After husband and I got home from my sitting up and walking around for 3 hours, I was a bit dehydrated and having some contractions. I took the terb...once at 7pm, once at 1am and once at 7am. I tested my blood at 9:30pm, 8:30am and 11am--all high. Hmmmm...

So I did some googling and was not at all surprised to see that terbutaline, wonder drug that it is, in study after study, RAISES blood glucose levels. FABULOUS!!!! So the medicine I am taking to keep the little man in my belly is going to turn him into the incredible hulk while he is there. Ahhhh, the irony of it all.

After the 3rd high reading, I called Dr. Dark-Cloud, expecting him to haul me in and stick me full of insulin or worse, drag me by the ear back to the hospital where they would monitor me with a delightful pregnancy cocktail of blood sugar, terb and insulin. To my surprise and relief, the response was, "keep monitoring and call on Monday if the readings stay high ," with an acknoweldgement that Terb will raise my blood sugar, so only take it when necessary.

Now, I love Dr. Dark-Cloud; despite him being the bearer of all the bad news about this pregnancy thus far, he is charming and kind. His voice is identical to the guy in the Citibank Commercials trying to reach a real customer service rep while on his way to work in the crowded train. It is everything in me when I see him not to ask him to say "Big Boy". I secretly hope he's attending the birth and when this little guy finally emerges, Dr. Dark-Cloud actually says, "It's a big boy!!" Who knows, in my epiduraled-out state, I might even ask him to say it.

But I am feeling a bit bitchy today (shocking). Why did no one tell me about the terb/blood sugar connection before I swigged down that syrupy sweet junk last Thursday, when I had a week's worth of terb swimming around in my system at the same time??? Does no one in the medical community realize how personally pregnant women take this kind of shit?? I spent 3 days sobbing over this, thinking I was going to hurt my baby because of the girl scout cookies and the chocolate cake when all along, it could very well have been drug interactions and entirely out of my control.

Even yesterday at "sugar school", it was my HUSBAND, and not the diabetes educator, who stressed to this class of scared, if somewhat annoying and moronic, pregnant women, that their gestational diabetes wasn't their fault. What a mensch. But, how was it that HE knew every woman there was beating herself up and the professionals don't know enough to make that clear? Yes, the video they showed clearly explains the medical reason for GD and none of it has to do with eating too much sugar when pregnant, but can't they spend a moment catering to our fragile little pregnant lady anxieties that we are already failures as mothers??? Is that too much to ask???

I am starting to think that every OB/GYN office should come equipped with a pregnancy therapist on-staff. I haven't met a pregnant lady yet who wasn't just a little insane from the whole experience.