Let the Learnin' Begin!!!

Or continue, as the case may be. My friends often tease me that when this pregnancy is all said and done and someday I decide to rejoin the working world, I really should consider being involved in some way with the world of high risk pregnancy. Not sure what a girl with my background (English education) is going to be able to add to that particular arena, but I DO understand all the fancy terms....quiz me. Ask me what a Fetal Fibronectin test does.

Within the past week I decided it was time to dig into the nitty gritty of childbirth and breastfeeding. I hit 33 weeks this Sunday and Dr. Dark Cloud said anytime after 35 weeks was a "go", so I figured I couldn't put it off any longer. As you might remember from my entry, "Lactating, Lamazzing and Lovin' It", I ordered a DVD on Lamaze and was fortunate enough to have a lactation consultant send me her course via powerpoint/DVD.

First stop---breastfeeding power point. Holy moly, there were a LOT of boobs in those slides. Not to sound like a 12 year old boy, but I would be lying if I said I didn't giggle a little when I first started watching. Two thousand slides of breasts aren't something you're exposed to every day (unless you look at a lot of internet porn, but these were NOT your standard porn-boobs) But it's important to know what "good" breastfeeding boobs look like (thankfully, I possess two such gems), and what the proper latch looks like, etc., so all boob shots were entirely necessary & not simply for entertainment value.

So there I sat with my computer and my notebook, diligently taking notes on how to breastfeed and all associated information. I learned all the different "holds"--my personal favorite being the "football" hold---this will be a Sunday and Monday night standard in our house during the fall and winter.

After two and half pages of notes and countless slides, all I need now is the baby, and his 140 degree latch.

Next stop--the stupid Lamaze lady and her smiley face belly DVD. Tons of good information once you get past the "introductions" of the 4 couples she finnagled into "starring" in her DVD. I don't know who these people were, but she went around the room and asked each person, "Why are you here?" Husband and I listened to each of them explain, in different words, "um....to learn how to have a baby." Really--when you sign up for a Lamaze class, is there much question as to WHY you are there? I don't think it's for the juice and cookies.

The woman is clearly a frustrated stand up comedienne and everyone knows there's nothing funnier than childbirth---in the first lesson she insinuated that she would be "discussing" the likelihood of pooping on the delivery table in a later lesson. I can't wait for her hilarious take on that mortifying humiliation. Should be a hoot...

Husband and I looked at her charts and graphs, listened to her explain the anatomy of the woman's reproductive system (duh) & the six signs of impending labor (some are quite icky--can hardly wait!!) We are now experts at effacement, stations, dilation, Braxton Hicks, etc, and that was just the first 3o minutes. Next we will be watching "The Beginning of Labor"--I can only imagine what fabulous one-liners she'll have for us in that lesson.

For a girl who hasn't left her bed for almost 100 days, I'm thinking I'm pretty "academically" well-informed and well-prepared for this. All I need is a few hours of cardio kickboxing to prepare my body for the actual labor...