Wednesday, April 19, 2006

An Open Letter to My Placenta...

Dear Placenta,

First of all, let me start by saying I appreciate you and all you do. You've got a round-the-clock job and you've been an incredibly hard worker these past several months. Words can't express my gratitude for taking such good care of the little man.

However, since you've seen fit to afflict me with gestational diabetes, I have one minor little request that I think might make life easier for both of us. Could you maybe COOL IT on the hormones a bit? You wouldn't have to work as hard, and I could eat the same meal more than once without my blood sugar levels being totally out of whack from one time to the next. When you look at it that way, we both win.

Really--what is it about having a tuna sandwich one day and getting a 102, then having it a week later and getting a 130? Not very consistent performance, Placenta, now is it? I would appreciate a little more clarity in the Do's and Don'ts, and you keep changing the rules on me. Not very thoughtful of you, really. Do you WANT me to have to go on insulin all day? Isn't it enough that you kick my pancreas to the curb every night? Do we really need to make it a day time issue, too?

We have a few more weeks to get along, you and I. For the sake of the little man, could you try to tone it down on your insulin-blocking hormones? It seems you are thus far shielding the little man from the affects of your little feud with my pancreas, and I do appreciate that, but it is difficult for me to play a positive role in all of this if you keep flip flopping on what I can eat and what I can't.

Soon enough, we will be out of eachothers' lives forever. Perhaps you are feeling a bit smug because right now you hold all the cards. I hate to be threatening and I didn't want it to come to this, but keep in mind that after the little man is born, you are going to end up in a big old red bag marked "medical waste". And then the baby and I, we'll be eating whatever we want.


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