I really hope I sound at least slightly less pathetic than did George Costanza when he announced that he was embarking upon the "Summer of George", but if not? Meh. I can take it. I hereby declare June 22 the first day of The Summer of Sarah.
In two days, Ethan starts every morning pre-school. That means setting an alarm, waking up the beast, dressing him appropriately (buh-bye crocs), and dropping him off by 9am. It means THREE HOURS every single weekday during which I get to become "me" again in a way I've not been able to do regularly for over three years. I am giddy at the idea of having that time back to myself. Giddy, people.
What will I do with that time? Oh. I'll tell you. I already know, because I've been fantasizing about it for the past few months since we made the decision to enroll him in preschool. I am going to be at the gym 5 mornings a week. For the past 2 years I've been saying, "Oh, I wish I had time to really go to the gym regularly, but Ethan hates the gym child care room." Out of the goodness of his heart, Husband spent gobs of money on a personal trainer for me when Ethan was barely a year old. Combine sleep deprivation with a, I believe the term is, "high needs baby" who won't let you put him down, let alone leave him with a stranger in a gym child care room, and couple that with a mother who has a wicked tendency towards emotional eating and you have a recipe for one fat mama. Poor trainer could have been Jillian Michaels (and she kind of was--you could tell that's who she was emulating) and she couldn't have made a dent in the size of my ass.
But now? With three hours to myself Monday through Friday? The only thing that sounds as appealing to me as sweating for hours on the treadmill (and yes, that actually does sound incredibly appealing to me--what is wrong with me???!!!) is blogging. So I will be running and blogging. And reconnecting with myself on a daily basis. I am going to get my Oprah on and live my best life!! Woot!
Also? I will be shooting myself up with fertility drugs. So that should be fun, too, right?
Honestly, as we near the end of this journey to conceive another baby, I have to say that the timing couldn't be more perfect. Yes, I want to be pregnant and have another child more than anything in the world. I know that more and more, and everytime I look at Ethan I realize how badly I want to see the next baby and watch the next baby grow and learn and laugh and play. But at the same time, we are facing the reality that it might never happen at the best possible time. At a time when we are sleeping more and better, when we can appreciate Ethan as a little boy with his own personality and free will and spirit, when we can start going out on dates again and reconnect with each other as two people who are in love, not just as parents. And so, if the autumn rolls around and we close up shop on Operation Baby 2.0, then yes, I will be devastated. Yes, my therapist will probably have to free up some extra time in her schedule for me. BUT, I will also be ready to move foward with the future, knowing we did everything we could do. I'm hoping for another child as much as anyone ever has, but I'm also getting ready to embrace a future different from the one I envisioned, if need be.
What else will I be doing during the Summer of Sarah, you ask? Please take a look to the right-hand side of my blog. In a last minute call, I've decided to pack my bags at the end of July and head to Chicago for the BlogHer convention. Um. Peeing my pants with excitement over this one, people!!!!! My internet soulmate Amy (www.snarkymommy.com) has invited me to crash at her place, and my other internet bff, Sarah (harrytimes.blogspot.com/) has invited me to crash in her hotel room, which means I also get to meet Becca (http://www.academomia.com/), so seriously, people. Peeing.
I've RSVP'd to the two parties in my side-bar, and I'm fairly certain that on those dates, I will be in what we women trying to get pregnant refer to as THE two-week-wait. And as I'm one of those women who lives by the motto: "Drink 'til you see pink", I intend to drink my body weight in delicious girly drinks in martini glasses and get my star-struck on. Because as dorky as it sounds (and yes, I know it's dorky), bloggers are my super-stars. I'm sure in the weeks leading up to this event, I will be sharing more than one "Ohmygod, who do I think I am? I'm not a real blogger! I don't have any business rubbing elbows with these women!! I'm going to stay home because no one will like me and I'll make a big fat fool of myself!!!" freakouts. But I'm going!!!
So there. Summer of Sarah. Complete with running, blogging, needles in my butt, and serious girl-power drinking time in Chicago. And maybe, JUST MAYBE, a pregnancy to wrap it all up.