Reading Between the Lines...

So here I am. Waiting for my body to let me know that we're ready for IUI #2. After a relatively disappointing follicle check last week (same number of follicles as the first month, even with the higher dose of Clomid), Dr M sent me home, telling me to pee on a stick every day until I got a positive ovulation test.

This month's cycle has, up to now, followed last month's schedule--clomid Wednedsay-Sunday, follicle check on Wednesday. Then a positive ovulation test on Sunday, followed by the thrill that is the IUI on Monday. But yesterday was Sunday. And today is Monday. Night. And no positive test for ovulation.

If you've never taken an ovulation test before, it's essentially identical to a pregnancy test, just measuring a different hormone. SO thoughtful of them to create a stick that is shaped and colored exactly like a pregnancy test--like I don't hate the sight of them enough already at the end of each month--now I have to look at them for days on end in the middle of my cycle, too? Fracking awesome, folks. Awesome.

And just to make the, pardon my French, mind-fuck complete, there's a kicker to the ovulation test. Unlike the pregnancy test, where ANY second line means 'YAY! IT IS ON!", you can see two lines on an ovulation test, one light and one dark, and it means nothing. NADA. You have to actually keep peeing on sticks, taking note of whether or not the second line is getting darker or lighter. According to the box, both lines have to be of EQUAL darkness in order for one to make the assumption that ovulation is actually going to happen in the next 24-36 hours.

So that makes things SO MUCH MORE FUN!!!! Can you sense my excitement at having to second and third guess each pee stick? "Is this one lighter or darker than the last one?!" Holding it up to the light coming into the window, taking it into the kitchen to look because the lighting is better in there (no worries to anyone who eats at my house---the pee stick never touches any surfaces of my kitchen, because ew!).

Last month, I am not proud to say, I actually had to line 2-3 tests up to assess if *this* test is *the* test that sends me to the phone to call Dr. M to schedule the IUI. 6am one lighter, 1pm one darker, 6pm one lighter. DING*DING*DING! We have a winner!

This month? No winners. Not even a faint tiny whisper of a second line on any of the damn sticks. If I lined them up, I'd be simply looking at a bunch of tests with control lines in an otherwise blindingly white window.

So if tonight's and tomorrow's test don't reveal that my ovaries are about to actually do what they were freaking born to do, I have go in for yet another ultrasound to see exactly what those follicles are up to. I'm wondering if Dr. M will be up for me just coming in daily to pee in cups in his office, so they can tell me if I'm ovulating. He deals with crazier people, right? He must. Right? Right? Hrm.