Thursday, November 19, 2009

Stop Me If You've Heard The One About How My Ovaries Suuuuuuuck!!!

Oh you have? Well, yer gonna hear it again.

Follicle check #2 today? Super awesome. If by super awesome I really mean a giant swirling maelstrom of FAIL.

Right ovary? What right ovary? Out. To. Lunch. Thus far, in the months I've been monitored, the right ovary has done zilch, leading me to wonder if it's just on a permanent vacation, never to spit out another egg again. Buh-bye, right ovary, we hardly knew ye.

Left ovary? Two little follicles that may or may not actually mature enough to merit a few precious moments with the turkey baster.

Sound familiar?! That's because it IS. This is exactly what my ovaries did in reaction to Clomid. Two little follicles in my left ovary that are pretty much the dictionary definition of "meh". That's all I got with Clomid. And it's all I've got after 900 ius of Follistim.

In the world of fertility treatments, Clomid is supposed to be the gateway drug, the silly little (but very effective for some) pills you try out before you start swabbing your tummy with an alcohol pad and dosing yourself up with all that FSHy goodness. I've moved on to the big guns, the stuff that's supposed to pack the bigger punch. These are the sorts of drugs that made the Octomom who she is today (don't even get me started) and who gave the world the glory (erm, puke) that is Kate Gosselin and her eleventy billion kids.

Do NOT get me wrong. No way in the world 6 or 8 babies are going to be housed in or pulled from this body at ANY point, EVER. But given my age ("advanced maternal age"--it's the feel good label of the century, people!!!), what I gather is that it's in my best interest to have lots of potential follicles because it's pretty freaking likely that eh, they aren't going to do anything anyway. So if I have 4 or 5 follicles, MAYBE one of them will take. With two follicles? That are mediocre at best? Meh.

So my RE (who is a sharp dresser with a kicky bob and blunt bangs, by the way; at least I enjoy seeing what shoes she's wearing every time I go into the office) wants to see me again on Sunday. For another follicle check. Sunday was initially the first of my potential IUI days. Now it will be another check to see if the follicles are doing anything of note. If they are, maybe the IUI will be on Tuesday. Or Wednesday. For those of you who were looking for a turkey baster joke, you must might get it. If the follicles aren't what the need to be, I guess we move on to the next cycle. WOOOO-FREAKING-HOOOO!

Oh yeah. Good times.


CC said...

I wish I had some sort of encouraging words to give you. But yeah. It sucks. And I am sorry you have to go through this.


Sarah said...

I agree with Chelsea-- it sucks and I am sorry :(

Becca said...

Come on ovaries, you lazy bitches!!

So sorry.

Erin said...

Sending good follicle vibes your way!

Amy said...

Ovaries, get with the program. For christ's sake, you would think they would be all about screwing with and producing 14 follicles on each side just to mess with your mind and make you fear multiples.

Well, at least the humor is in tact. And if you can drip sarcasm about it, then you're ahead of the game.

Aunt Becky said...

Come ON you pesky OVARIES! Do you thang!