Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Too Many Hormones Making YOU a Little Crazy?

Me, too!!!!

So the past few days, while I've been shooting up the FSH, I've been a bit, erm, emotional. Now, it's not like I've been inconsolable over holiday jewelry commercials (they are, without a doubt, the cheesiest little bits of marketing ever ever ever and no amount of artificially induced hormonal hypersensitivity could compel me to shed a tear over a stuffed bear and a diamond pendant), but I have found myself once or twice feeling a bit overwhelmed by emotions when I normally wouldn't be.

Yesterday I finally decided to hang family pictures in the hallway, and in trying to find a few extra pictures to put in random frames, I ended up pouring over twelve different photo albums of Ethan. Looking at pictures like this:

and this:

oh, and maybe a little bit of this:

And please, I'm only human. I got a little weepy. When did he go from that to this?

Don't get me wrong; I LOVE every second of watching Ethan grow up and become the amazing little person that he is. But, oh my gawd, I miss my tiny little preshus smooshy baby!!!!! Perhaps these hormones I'm shooting into my belly nightly are intended to prime the pump of maternal instincts and gear one up for thinking all of that spitting up, raw nipples and sleep deprivation-induced insanity is worth it because "zOMG, look at that cutie-cute-cutie!!!!!"

For what ever reason, I spent a good portion of yesterday afternoon letting my now 3.5 year old kiddo melt his brain in front of Noggin while I flipped through page after page of him being a tiny little toe-chewing baby and being a weepy little baby myself. Big Fat Sigh.

Also? Songs. Last week, Cold Play's "Fix You," which is the song I listened to almost daily during my pregnancy with Ethan, came on the radio as I was driving home from preschool drop off. Holy tear duct leakage, batman! All about wanting to protect the person you love most in the world from the hurts and disappointments in life. Powerful stuff when you're stuck in bed at a 45-degree angle trying to keep your baby from coming into the world at 26 weeks, or when you're hobbling out of the NICU, leaving your tiny little baby behind so that he can grow strong enough to come home to you.

And on Monday when I was driving home from my somewhat disappointing follicle check, I heard that weird song/poem that was so popular a few years ago about wearing sunscreen. Which was actually about a lot more than wearing sunscreen. Remember it?

Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)--Baz Luhrmann

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '97
Wear sunscreen
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
It. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
Scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
Than my own meandering
Experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
Understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and
Recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before
You and how fabulous you really looked….You're not as fat as you

Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
Effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
Bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
Never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
On some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you


Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with
People who are reckless with yours.


Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes
You're behind…the race is long, and in the end, it's only with

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
Succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.


Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your
Life…the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they
Wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
Olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe
You won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky
Chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don't
Congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
Choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body,
Use it every way you can…don't be afraid of it, or what other people
Think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

(Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurting, but I've been waiting to be there
For you. And I'll be there, just tell me now, whenever I can.
Everybody's free.)

Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
People most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you
Should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
Lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
Knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
In Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.


Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
Philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize
That when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
Noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
Maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
Might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
Look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
Supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
Fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
Ugly parts and recycling it for more than
It's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

(Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurting, but I've been waiting to be there
For you. And I'll be there, just tell me now, whenever I can.
Everybody's free.)

When I first heard it years ago, I thought, "Hm. Deep," and moved on. Hearing it earlier this week, though, as a mother thinking about her child (and thinking about another one that might find it's way into our lives at some point), I actually had to pull into a parking lot, roll down the window and give myself some air. Yeah. I know. Awwwwwkward. Reading the lyrics now, I'm not really sure why it impacted me so fiercely. I mean, it is thought-provoking and poignant, especially in terms of all the things you want for your child in life, but I'm pretty sure that 99.99% of people who heard it on the radio that morning were in fact, NOT overcome by emotion to the point of needing a time-out. But isn't that the nature of the hormonally imbalanced freak out? What seems huge one second is silly the next.

Yeah, I'm so there.

Also? I'm breaking out like a 12 year old. Awesome.


Becca said...

Oh man! It's the Christmas commercials (not the stupid ice skating jewelery one) that get me. Sorry you're having a tough time! But anyone with a uterus would be a mess after looking at those perfectly edible pictures of Ethan! What a cutie!

Jane Silvia said...

so great to see those pics if Ethan. I can see why it wuld make you emotional...and that Sunscreen song gets me everytime- even years ago, I haven't heard it in a long time, but reading the words still made me tear up.

Sarah said...

Ethan is/was so freaking adorable. Isn't it amazing-- now that you know what he looks like-- how much he always looked just like that? LOVE the one of him snuggled under your chin-- so, so sweet.

The other day I was looking through jack's baby book, and I actually yelled at the kids to leave me alone b/c I was busy. You know, cherishing those memories while making some terrible ones, ha!

Tress said...

Man, I totally forgot about the Sunscreen song. That would get to me, too.

Parenthood is the wildest ride in the universe.

And my word verification word is "zitizi". What?

cicadalady said...

here's a good jewelry commercial. if you cry, it's from laughter :)